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Fifty Shades Freed: Book Three of the Fifty Shades Trilogy (50 Shades Trilogy)

Fifty Shades Freed - E.L. James Ms. James: Please admit that this trilogy was a joke. I don't want to believe that you really think Christian Grey is a romantic hero worthy of the blushing and stuttering and simpering of every female who crosses his path. This man has the grace and manners of a toddler. He throws tantrums. He's disrespectful, insecure, and needy. During every interaction, he scowls, smirks, glowers, and snorts, whether with his doormat of a wife, his unbelievably tolerant family, his subservient employees, or starstruck strangers. He was a self-made billionaire by the ripe old age of 26, and yet, we see no evidence of the work ethic that would make this possible. Between constant sex, lots of vacations, and stalking Ana around the country, it's a wonder that he has two nickels to rub together, let alone managed to build an empire.

But enough complaining, because there were many laugh-inducing moments in this book. We've got the two main characters who have all kinds of sex, but they still regularly blush, flush, and smile shyly in each other's presence. There's a villain (one of several, by the way) who does every dastardly deed short of twirling his mustache and cackling. There was a crazy and wholly unnecessary car chase to kick things off. There was a serious car crash ending up with a secondary character in ICU that had absolutely no connection to the aforementioned car chase. Best of all was a non-doctor character shouting, "Code blue!", which had absolutely no connection to the ICU scene which had absolutely no connection to the unnecessary car chase.

The most shocking part of this trilogy's success is that the movie rights just sold for $4 million. I will be very interested to see how these books could be turned into a successful movie franchise. I don't envy the screenwriter who, no doubt, will need to rewrite every word of awful, cringe-worthy dialogue.

Laters, baby.